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Read the first chapter of Controlled by Desire!

December 14, 2023

CHAPTER 1

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Swish.

The crumpled rejection letter I threw landed effortlessly in the trash can after making its way through the small basketball hoop hung on the wall.

“Nothin’ but net!” I sigh, slumping back, letting my head fall against the couch as I squeeze my eyes shut.

Have you ever wondered where you’d be if you took the other fork in the road? If destiny hadn’t dealt you the cards you hold? What if the people you loved hadn’t left you? Would you be the same person, have the same personality, kinks or sense of humour? Or would you be someone else entirely?

My mind spun, falling swiftly into a world of what-ifs. Some days I couldn’t pull myself out of the darkness where that small inner voice got louder and questioned all the whys. Why did you do that? Why would you say that? Why didn’t you try harder? Why don’t you just give up?

I huffed in frustration. “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Seriously, would it kill you to be positive, and give a little praise and self-love for once in your life?” I grumbled to myself, shaking my head in an attempt to dislodge the toxic waste sloshing around in there.

My thoughts wandered and her face came rushing back, as clear as the last time I’d seen her. Her kind hazel eyes smiled at me. I could feel the warmth on my cheek from where her hand cupped my face. I leaned into it, trying to hold onto an ounce of strength. If I let just one tear fall there’d be no closing the floodgates and the sadness would swallow me whole. She watched me intently, memorising my face as I memorised hers, especially that crooked smile that had a way of melting any foul mood I was in. But she was a shadow of her usual vibrant self and her bronze hair had lost its lustre. Somehow, above it all, the love and strength she’d always wrapped me in was still overpowering, bubbling at the surface.

‘Show them who you are Charlie bear. Don’t hide away. You are meant for big things – it’s inevitable’.

Thump!

I shot up, brought back by the sound of the apartment door slamming and my housemate throwing her keys against the bench. Lizzie stalked into the lounge room, shopping bags dangling from her fingers. Her smile dropped as she eyed me slumped on the couch – defeat written all over my face.

“Oh no, not another one… How many does that make?” the usually bubbly and bouncy vixen asked, the edges of her mouth curving down.

“Twelve – I’m done. Seriously, I give up!” I said dramatically. “I’m obviously not meant to work in advertising! I’ll be stuck working at the coffee house for the rest of my life,” I flopped my upper body across the arm of the couch.

“That double degree, with honours, begs to differ. It’s just been a shitty run. Buuuuttttt—,” she let the word drawl out. “I’m positive your luck will turn around next week,” she said smiling warmly. “Mark my words Charlotte May Drake, you are going to be the next best advertising exec in this city,… nay this country,” she shot up, pointing her finger in the air. “And clients will be flocking to your feet just to have your name on their project!”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “You’ve certainly got a way with words, I’ll give you that. Mind sharing an ounce of that positivity?”

“Tut, tut… it’s not just positivity Charlie. You know I’m just always right – I have a gift,” she singsonged with a confident smirk plastered on her face as she closed the gap between us, pulling me off the couch with more strength than should be humanly possible in such a small petite package.

“Now, get up and put on this sexy little number,” she raised an eyebrow, handing me one of the bags at her feet. “We’ve got plans – girls’ night out! It’s day five of our New Year’s week of celebrations and you promised me a whole week of boogying our booties off and getting our flirt on.”

Before I could object, Lizzie had her Weekend Vibes playlist blaring out of the Bluetooth speaker and was dancing her way down the hall towards my room.

I considered myself a plain Jane and a bit of a homebody. Don’t get me wrong, I loved a night out with good company like most, but there’s no denying I truly am at my most comfortable at home with my hair in a messy bun, no make-up on, and lounging around in sweats.

But I loved my dear friend, and the brightness she brought into my jaded life. And I loved the big city lights. So how could I pass up a night with my two favourite things – three if you counted the cocktails I was sure we’d be downing soon.

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The mini dress Lizzie had chosen for me was gorgeous! A sparkly midnight blue backless dress that made my blue-green eyes and long dark curls pop. The low v-neck cut showed off just enough of my full C-cups to get noticed, but not enough to worry about wardrobe malfunctions all night.

At 5’6”, I rarely wore high heels, preferring flats so I didn’t tower over my 5’2” best friend. Well that, and I couldn’t really let my hair down and dance the night away if I had to worry about sore feet and blisters. So I slipped on my favourite pair of Roman strap flat sandals and met Lizzie in the bathroom to apply the final touches.

Lizzie smiled and gave a twirl showing off her perfectly proportioned breasts and hips in a gold and white mini combo that highlighted her natural Ibiza-esque honey tanned skin. Her sandy blonde bob was perfectly styled as usual and her signature Passion Red lipstick completed the look. One that could easily adorn the front cover of a high-end fashion magazine. Although she came in a petite package, Lizzie radiated certainty and sex appeal without trying. She was confident, flirtatious and the right mixture of feisty and submissive. She was my polar opposite. Where she was assertive, I was meek. She was the yin to my yang. My perfect counterbalance.

“Smokin’ HOT Lizzie girl!” I said fanning myself, applying a splash of mascara and a dab of tinted lip gloss to my face.

“Oh stop….” She giggled. “No don’t stop! Seriously, go on,” she motioned with her hands, giggling.

I rolled my eyes, nudging her with my bum. “If I give you any more compliments your head won’t fit through the door,” I teased.

“Ugh, fine. Are you ready then? Because those martinis are calling my name and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s the night you are going to meet the man of your dreams.”

I let out a long sigh.

No way in hell. I can’t even focus enough to level up to a better job and better pay, let alone land the man of my dreams. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I actually had one… Well shit, had I been too preoccupied to even cook up my idea of the perfect man – how depressing is that!

Before I got bogged down in self-loathing again, the small voice inside my head sprung to life.

Oh Gods, yes! I want Mr Dreamy, even if it’s just for the night. I want off this hamster wheel. Bring on excitement, bring on danger, heck bring on a mysterious man to spice things up.

A blush crept across my cheeks and my stomach filled with butterflies. “Calm down La Femme Nikita, we’re not hunting tonight,” I tried to cover up my betraying thoughts. “I just want a night with my special girl to drink and dance and forget about those damn rejection letters.”

“Come on already, it’s half-ten,” I offered my hand. “First rounds on me.” And with that Lizzie let out a squeal as she hurried to the front door of our apartment.

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Our regular nightclub The Sparrow was just a few blocks away. As we rounded the corner the music, neon lights and smell of sweat and desire took over my senses. We walked towards the front door where the security guard smiled, a sparkle in his eye, and ushered us in.

“Lizzie, Charlie, lookin’ fine ladies,” Johnny flirted with his Southern drawl. “How many hearts you plannin’ on breakin’ tonight?”

“Just yours sexy,” Lizzie shot back with a wink, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek as she walked past. It was hard to ignore how his hand lingered on her lower back or how he had to adjust his jeans when he let her go. It took a second too long for Johnny to take his eyes off Lizzie before he directed his gaze at me, nodded and cleared his throat shyly before looking away again.

The club was decked out in New Year celebrations glitter and gold, making it easy to forget what day of the week it was. Hell, it could have been mid-week and I’d still be transported to weekend madness in here. Perfection!

We walked slowly into the belly of the club. I could feel the music vibrating through my body, sending tingles up from my feet, up my legs, and all the way through my stomach and chest. There was something about it that flicked on that feel-good button and made me instantly feel electric and alive.

“This is exactly what I needed,” I leaned into Lizzie’s ear.

The dance floor was packed with bodies sliding against each other, but we skirted around the edges towards the bar and the tables at the back of the room. I could see Lizzie’s ex, Eric, was busy working the bar we were nearing. As if he felt the invisible string between them, he looked away from the two girls he was serving and straight towards Lizzie. By the time we hit the bar he was waiting for us, an ear-to-ear grin and come-hither eyes focused on Lizzie. He leant forward across the bar to shout over the music.

“Damn baby girl, how come you never wore that when we were together?” he asked Lizzie, with a tortured look in his eye.

“What would have been the point? You would have just ripped it off me and let it crinkle on the floor,” she giggled back. “Can we get two Cosmos please? Lizzie’s shout,” she said triumphantly before turning to scan the crowd.

“You got it babe.”

Lizzie and Eric were together for two years before splitting six months ago. Their chemistry was still palpable. But in the end they figured out the only thing that connected them was the sex, everything else had faded over the years. Thankfully they had fallen into an easy friendship, and Eric still hung out at our apartment and had become protective over the both of us like a brother.

“So… how long are you going to drag Johnny along for?” I teased Lizzie.

“Who says I am?” she shot back.

“Hey, no judgement sweetie. You know I have no ulterior motives, I just tell it how I see it. The sexy beast of a man wants a piece of you and he has since the moment you met.”

Lizzie ignored me, grabbed her drink off the counter and downed it in a breath. “Let’s dance!” she changed the subject as she began to move towards the middle of the dance floor. I placed a 20 on the bar, grabbed my drink and sank it down, and began following her out to the middle of the crowd.

I let myself go, cleared my mind of the past year and swayed with the music. Song after song I let my worries and self-doubt vanish, letting the music take over my body and soul as I fell deeper into the sea of dancing bodies.

I’m not sure how much time had passed but I needed a breather and another drink. I’d lost exact count, but it might have been Cosmo number four or five. I turned around to Lizzie and found her grinding her bum against a tall, tattooed guy I hadn’t seen before.

I leaned in, “I need some air, want to come with me?”

Tattooed guy slid his arm around her waist and nibbled at Lizzie’s ear before looking at me with a dangerous yet sexy-as-hell stare. “No, I’ve got all the air I need here,” she smirked and leaned back into him, adjusting her body to lightly lick across his bottom lip. Turning back to me she said, “but if you want me to come with, just say and I’m all yours.”

I knew Lizzie too well to be worried. She was in her element and although tattooed guy probably thought he was dominating the small woman in his arms, it was Lizzie who held the power. The women’s self-defence class she taught every Tuesday didn’t hurt either.

“Oh no no, you have fun… I’ll just be over there if you need me,” I said waggling my eyebrows and pointing towards the bar. Lizzie turned her body, wrapping her arms around his neck, bringing him in for a deep kiss.

I sat at a bar stool and motioned to Eric for another drink. Two drinks later Lizzie was still dancing and making out with tattooed guy. I swayed with the music, enjoying the feeling of my body getting lighter.

Thump!

I was pulled out of my tipsy glow as the guy standing next to me suddenly swung out in retaliation, his fist colliding with a guy behind him who had drawn first blood.

My stomach lurched and in a flash everything slowed down. I could see an elbow coming towards my head as he yanked his arm back to take another swing.

Oh God, I was about to become collateral damage, caught in the crossfire of a stupid pub brawl. Fuck my life.

I scrunched my eyes shut, pulling my arms up to cover my head. Waiting for the impact. At the same time, I was pulled backwards off the bar stool by a set of strong arms and felt a large solid body envelop me. The stranger lifted me away from the fight and towards one of the back tables. I swayed, a wave of nausea rolling through me. He sat, pulling me into his lap. His arms still wrapped tightly around me.

I felt dizzy. I felt dazed.

Shit, I think I’m going into shock.

I tried to steady my breathing while I kept my head tucked into the stranger’s chest. My senses were returning, and I realised I was intimately sitting atop a strange man’s lap, probably squashing him with my generous ass and thighs. But I couldn’t help it, I didn’t dare move. Instead, I drank in his animal magnetism, his strong muscled arms around me and let his hypnotizing scent distract me.

“It’s okay princess, you’re safe,” he breathed in my ear, the deep husky tone of his voice creating an instant heat between my thighs as he gently brushed the loose strands of hair away from my cheek.

I risked a glance up towards his face only to be met with the most divine full lips and wicked smile.

Oh. My. Goddess. Hello Mr Dreamy.

Was I dreaming? Had I been knocked out in the fight? Who was this man and why was he still holding me tight against his body? All I knew was my heart was racing, pounding in my ears, and the red-blooded man in front of me was awakening long-dormant sexual desires.

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